31 Days of Drafts and Darkness:

"Piranha 3D" (2011)

So far, we've had some 80's-era fun, delved into the creepy side of celebrity fandom, and broke a witch's curse. I think need we need a vacation. How about a nice, calm lake? Nothing bad happens there.

                                                                        

The Plot:

A remake of the 70's creature-feature, "Piranha 3D" opens on an elderly fisherman quietly spending his  afternoon angling for some trout. I won't spoil who plays the fishermen, but I will say that it's a spectacular nod to classic scary fish-story and a perfect way to start the movie. Suddenly, a tremor rocks the lake. Once his rowboat is capsized, our fishermen is the first to meet a horde of prehistoric piranha that have been locked in a subterranean river for millennia. After being stuck underground for so long, our fishy friends sure are hungry.

Unfortunately for the local town, but good for the fish, Spring Break celebrations are currently underway. Flocks of teens seeking booze and debauchery get to spend the first 20 minutes of the movie partying before meeting some very famished fish. Needless to say, the fish don't stay hungry for long. Om, nom, nom, nom!

Can the grizzled town sheriff, played by Elizabeth Shue, team up with a visiting scientist and town pet-store owner to stop the rampaging piranha before every Spring Breaker is devoured? Will there be skimpy swimsuits and gratuitous...well, everything, along the way? 

The Flavor:

As I write this entry, I find myself struggling to fill in more plot details. There are a few side stories here and there, but for the most part, that's it. Fish get loose. Spring breakers perform every R-rated shenanigan the Motion Picture Association will allow on celluloid. Fish meet spring breakers. Blood bath. I don't really have much more to describe when it comes to plot.

You know what makes this one of my all-time favorite horror movies? That's all it needs.

It's the way the movie fills in that bare-bones (often literally) plot that makes it great. "Piranha 3D" is an absolute box of chocolates for horror movie and creature-feature fans. Director Alexandre Aja's rye tone, 'wink-at-the-camera' style attitude, and use of amazingly-realistic practical makeup make for a film that's simultaneously hilarious and horrifying. While the characters are the same sort of cartoony cliques we've seen in horror before, the utter detail in which they're picked apart by the killer fish is enough to make your stomach turn.

And yet, through it all, you're never disturbed by all the splatter as you would be from a "Saw" film. "Piranha 3D" has a tone that mixes dark humor with gore in such a way that it never forgets to let the audience have fun with the proceedings. After one unfortunate bikini-babe is chomped, we're shown a final shot of her skeleton floating towards the bottom. As the ribcage turns into view, we see a pair of silicone implants still clinging to the bare bones. That sort of grim humor is what allows the movie to be so simultaneously gross and fun.

This isn't the most violent movie I've ever seen (we'll talk about that one later), but it's certainly in the Top 3. The initial piranha attack literally dyes the water red as make-up effect after make-up effect is explicitly shown. It almost becomes fascinating in that the effects-artists are essentially display their portfolios to you via film. While extras flail around, prosthetic appendages falling off left and right, you're kept in good spirits by seeing just how many are trying hard to not start laughing. When it's clear that even the unpaid extras are having fun, you know you're in for a good time.

"Piranha 3D" not only delivers on action, comedy, and creative gore, but the creature designs of the piranha  are incredibly cool. They're built to look prehistoric, like a combination of a modern piranha and velociraptor. They're toothy little devils with lots of personality, and that fact that Christopher Lloyd gets to explain their origin in full Doc-Brown mode is icing on a already tasty cake.

Best Paired with:

If you're a horror fan, dig in. While "They Live" is cheesy viewing that could be enjoyed by any group of friends, "Piranha 3D" has a more hard-core vibe that'll make genre-fans super excited, but may be too much  for casual viewers. If you're party of friends loves them some old-school splatter, "Piranha 3D" will have you laughing and wincing in equal measure all night.

The movie's very much like an amusement park ride in that it knows how to shock you, then let you breathe and laugh at the moment. Just note, for those with sensitive stomachs, the shocks are quite squishy.

Accompanying Brew:

As "Piranha 3D" blends genuine shocks with dark humor into a well-balanced midpoint, I wanted tonight's beer to do the same. Something with both sweet and spice, but dark enough to remain robust and full-bodied.

Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout, a seasonal from the Cape Anne Brewing Co. in Gloucester, combines the spiciness and pumpkin flavor of a typical pumpkinhead ale with the roasted notes and body of a stout. I can't imagine it was easy balancing the roasted-malt tones of the stout enough to ensure they didn't overrun the flavor of pumpkin. Pumpkin is a very mellow flavor, so it goes well with lighter ales. Making it stick out in a darker beer requires careful use, and Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout pulls it off. The pumpkin taste arrives at the later end of each sip, with the stout characteristic flavor and spices showing up first.

For someone looking for a Fall-tasting seasonal beer that's a bit different from the multitude of pumpkinhead ales out there, Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout is a great change of pace. If you're a fan of dark beers - porters and stouts - like me, you'll love how the rich stout flavor helps temper the spices that sometimes get too cloying after half a pint.

As both a delightful blend of flavors and thematic nod to our feature film, Fisherman's Pumpkin Stout provides lots of flavor without overdoing it. Thus, it's a great companion piece to enjoy alongside some killer fish.